What to Keep and What to Throw Away
I’m going to be honest with you, dear reader, I think that we are all exhausted. So this week, I am going to share with you some of my thoughts about what we should keep and what we should get rid of during our #saferathome time. It is a kind of new take on my past Rants and Raves columns.
Keep These!
Asking ourselves how we can support single parents who are struggling is something that we should absolutely keep after this. Too often, particularly when we talk about single mothers, we act as though they have done something “wrong” or treat them as though their struggle is theirs alone. If there is anything that we are seeing now, though, it is how important community resources and supports are. So let’s keep these conversations and communities going long after this pandemic is over.
Checking in with your strong friends is something that we should do forever. I am guilty of forgetting this myself and sometimes you need the reminders. We all have those friends, the ones who seem like they have it all together, who are repainting their rooms or learning a new language or taking a master class on cocktail making in between volunteer shifts. I am not this person and so sometimes, it can be easy to forget that your friend is using their coping strategies to deal with this crazy world. That doesn’t mean they are okay. So let’s keep checking in, even when their Instagram tells us that they seem like they are awesome.
Trash These!
The phrase “Building the plane while flying it” to describe remote learning experiences. First of all, this is a ridiculous visual, but more importantly, it is not useful. We are providing instruction, support, and curriculum review (perhaps) in an attempt to reduce the trauma of this event for children. We aren’t inventing a plane or building one in the air. I keep hearing this metaphor as a way of making ourselves or others feel better about the work we are doing. But whatever you are doing to help kids, it is great. Keep doing it. It isn’t building a plane though, so let’s retire that phrase.
The expectations that schools will pick up all of the responsibilities of society, while having their funding, resources, and respect decimated. Over and over, I have heard people remark that they had no idea how much schools did for the community. You know who knew that already? Every person who has worked in and around schools. Schools are more than education and more than child care. They feed, often clothe, care for, and keep safe millions of school aged children. It is great to say thank you to educators. But it is better to thank them with your vote by supporting politicians who support schools.
Comparing or minimizing grief has got to go. This so often comes from a place of support or love, saying “At least you haven’t lost a loved one” or “At least you have a family to keep you company.” But grief (which is what we are all experiencing, in some form) doesn’t work like that. Recognizing and honoring the grief of others and yourself, regardless of how it “stacks up” to other grief, is an essential activity. Sure, you may not remember your high school graduation fondly. Maybe you didn’t even go. But that has no bearing on the seniors who feel like they are losing such a huge, irreplaceable part of their high school experience. Knowing it could be “worse” doesn’t change that grief. Listen to people who tell you their sadnesses. Recognize their loss. It isn’t for you to judge how big or small it is, it is just for you to support them through this. We all need each other right now.
I hope that you and your family are doing well. I hope that you aren’t having to fight too much with your kids about going out or with your aging parents about how they can’t go to the gym. You are on our minds, as always, as we figure out what our lives and schools will look like after this. Have any thoughts about what we should keep or leave from this experience? Let us know on Twitter or leave it in the comments.
-Amy