Can You Stop (Man)splaining it to Me?
This week’s blog is a little bit of a departure for me, topic-wise, but it is something that I feel like we really have to talk about. Rarely a day goes by that I or one of my friends don’t lament a man explaining something to us that we already understand. The worst part is that these are men we like, respect, work with, or are married to! What are they doing? Don’t they realize how discouraging and demeaning this can be?
The short answer to that question seems to be that no, many of them do not realize that they are mansplaining. I recently learned from a colleague that some men have never even heard the word “mansplaining”. So, let’s talk about it! One short disclaimer bears mentioning here. Do not send me messages saying #notallmen or telling me that I am being overly sensitive. We here at AEC are decidedly not anti-man. We are, however, decidedly anti-mansplaining. And if you find yourself frustrated or defensive, I hope that you will take some time to talk to some of the wonderful women in your life about mansplaining. You might be surprised by what they have to say.
So what exactly is mansplaining? The standard definition is that it is explaining something to a person, most often a woman, in a patronizing or condescending way, without a request for an explanation, in a field or area in which she has expertise or knowledge. In other words, I am not saying that every time a man explains something to a woman, he is mansplaining. Telling the difference between explaining and mansplaining can be tough though. Recently, a flowchart has been circulating online that might help clear up some of the confusion.
This flowchart was created by Kim Goodwin, who made it after it became clear that lots of people didn’t know what mansplaining is. Notice that the key factors are whether or not a woman has asked to have something explained and whether or not she has relevant experience in the subject matter.
So why does it matter? Shouldn’t women just shut up about this? Certainly, if you search the internet for the term “mansplaining”, you will get many rants from people who claim that it is a term made up by man-hating feminists who just don’t understand the innate differences between men and women. Those people are wrong. So what are some examples of mansplaining?
A friend recently had her own office organizational system explained to her by a man in the same office. He explained why the folders were placed on the wall where they currently were. She knew this, because she had placed them there.
Another friend, one with a PhD in curriculum and instruction, had curriculum templates explained to her by an assistant principal without any teaching experience. She had been using the templates in her current role as department head for more than three years.
A friend who runs a sales division at a large medical company recently had a junior salesman explain to her that customers need to feel valued in order to remain loyal to the company.
None of these is an extreme example. Did the men in these situations know what they were doing? Likely not. But they came at the conversation from a place of thinking that the women didn’t know something that was well within their scope of knowledge and expertise. Think about how you would feel in the situations above. You would likely feel undervalued and demeaned. This is why women respond poorly to mansplaining. Repeat: It has nothing to do with disliking men. In fact, in two of the three scenarios above, the men involved are dear friends of the women. That, however, does not make the behavior okay.
So, dear reader, this week, look out for mansplaining, both in your own actions and the actions of others. And, as always, if you see something, say something. We’d love to hear your experiences!
- Amy