Holiday Privilege Spending Guide
The subject matter of this blog owes a great debt to Brittany Packnett, a brilliant activist, educator, podcaster, and woman. A few weeks ago, she posted on her Instagram about spending privilege and it got me thinking. This blog is the result of that thinking. If you don’t follow her, you are missing out.
There have been too many times for me to count. They are moments that stick in my mind like a thorn; moments that make me crazy if I dwell on them too long. You probably have them too. You know, the moments when you should have said something. Maybe it was when someone made an inappropriate joke and you laughed, even though it made you feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was when you heard someone say something about or to a co-worker and you knew it wasn’t right, but you didn’t want to make trouble. If you can think of these moments now, let me put your mind at ease. This is not a blog where I tell you that you are a terrible person or try to shame you. Because, as I said at the beginning, I’ve had lots of these times too.
Many of us, including myself, are aware of the areas in our lives in which we are privileged. I was born to educated, wonderful parents, have enjoyed great educational opportunities, am financially stable, and am a Caucasian female. This isn’t to say that there aren’t times when I have experienced sexism or that I have felt marginalized. But more often than not, in most rooms, I do not feel marginalized. But I see it happening. I see it in jokes, in side comments, in policy decisions, and in small interactions each day. Often, I say nothing. And often, I am angry at myself about that. So, in this season when we are being told to spend, spend, spend, how can I spend my privilege?
The best way to spend your privilege is to say something, show your support with your actions, and call out what is happening. Sounds good in theory, right? But what does it look like in real actions? As I sometimes say to my students, what should I be doing with my words and with my actions?
With my words:
Respond with a question, such as: “I’m not sure what you are trying to say here, can you clarify?” It is possible the person spoke off the cuff. Presuming positive intentions, allow them a chance to correct it.
Call out the statement directly, such as, “That is an outdated notion about women/people of color. It makes me uncomfortable and isn’t the way we do things here.” Will this be uncomfortable? Yep, it will. But part of privilege is that you don’t feel uncomfortable in most situations. So, get a little uncomfortable in pursuit of making others safe.
Acknowledge what is going on to the person being disrespected. Say, “I’m sorry they said that. That is not what I believe.” Being a silent ally isn’t very useful and it is great for people to know who has their backs.
Speak to the person who was disrespectful in a more private setting. Let them know how their words or deeds are being received. Hopefully, they will be chagrined and will change their behaviors. But if they don’t, speak to someone who can help them.
With my actions:
Don’t laugh at the joke or agree with the statement, either verbally or with a nod. Sure, it might be uncomfortable for a minute. But think about the discomfort of the person being marginalized. Is your comfort more important than theirs? Is the disrespectful person’s comfort more important? Not laughing when others are can be tough. But you’re a leader! You believe in this! You got this!
Move closer to the person or people being disrespected. Show your support by proximity. Obviously, don’t be a creep about it.
I know that the suggestions above could create some issues for you. I know this first hand because they have created some for me in the past, when I have tried to call out disrespect and oppression. But I’m still here and I’m ready to spend more. Because in order for us to be free from oppression, we all have to be free. It isn’t enough for me not to feel oppressed if those near me feel disrespected or marginalized. To end with one of my favorite thoughts from Brittany Packnett, you didn’t earn your privilege. This isn’t a slight to you, just something to remember. In this season of goodwill, making the world a better place, and new beginnings, how about starting with some spending for good?
-Amy