In my short time as a professor, I have reviewed hundreds of applications for doctoral programs or for faculty positions at my institutions. Women and men tend to talk about themselves in different ways. Referents—the people who write letters of recommendation—also tend to write about women differently than they write about men. The more I’ve considered this pattern, the more I’ve thought that the application process is an opportunity for women to advocate for themselves. Personal statements are your introduction to a program or position—you get to tell a story about why you’re qualified for that position. Letters of recommendation, similarly, articulate your match to a specific position or program.

It’s important to offer a caveat here: the ways in which men write about themselves are not necessarily the best or right ways to do so. However, since education leadership positions are dominated by men, search committees may default to seeing men’s patterns as preferred. It’s helpful to know this as you write your own applications. Obviously, none of my suggestions are relevant all the time, but I’ve identified several distinct trends I see in women’s statements and letters. If I were in the position to advise any of the women whose letters and statements I’ve read, I would suggest the following:

Be the leading character, rather than part of an ensemble cast.

Women tend to contextualize themselves in teams or organizations. They might say something like, “As part of x, I helped to develop y.” It is of course useful to highlight your work on teams, but exclusively using that language may give the impression that you don’t work independently and may not have leadership potential. More often than not, I’ve noticed that men center themselves in their statements (and their referents do the same in letters). That same sentence, when written by a man, might sound like, “I led x to pioneer the development of y.” The people who read your application will be well aware that very few people operate outside of teams or organizations: make sure to feature yourself as a leading character.

Use strong verbs to describe your skills and accomplishments.

Women often minimize their accomplishments and contributions. Two specific examples stand out: women use the word “serve” where men use the word “work” (e.g., I served in this capacity…) and women use constructions like, “I sought to/I seek to”. In the first case, that verb difference can imply that you undervalue your own work—service is often unpaid while work is paid. Work also implies skill and qualification. In the second case, the phrase might suggest that you “sought to” or “seek to” do something but it never actually came to fruition—the emphasis is on intention rather than outcome. Position yourself as someone who gets things done. Describe your work clearly and with active verbs.

Talk about talent, rather than your personality. (Caveat: except insofar as your personality makes you better suited for the position you’re applying for.)

This often refers more to letter writers than women writing about themselves, but the point stands: be sure to discuss (or ask your writers to discuss) your talent, rather than your personality. I’ve seen women described as “easy to work with,” “helpful,” and “compassionate.” Of course, these are great personality traits, but they don’t tell a reader anything about your skill. Men, on the other hand, are rarely described according to their personalities, but instead by their skills—“leader,” “out of the box thinker,” “innovator,” or “team player.” Application readers are looking for great colleagues or great students; these common distinctions in the descriptions of candidates paint very different pictures of who belongs.

Leave luck out of the conversation.

At least according to their letters, women often think they’re lucky. I’ve seen innumerable phrases like, “I was lucky enough to…” or, “I had the opportunity to…” or even, “I was blessed to…”. My guess is, most of these women weren’t all that lucky. Instead, they had a track record of hard work, consistent accomplishment, and put themselves in positions where others noticed that. Women, feel free to say this about yourselves. While similar phrases may have been present, I cannot remember an instance when I’ve seen a single one included in a man’s application. Men generally refer to their work, skill, and leadership without thinking they got lucky.

Ask someone else to write about you.

I recognize even as I write this that some of these patterns and turns of phrase are entrenched habits that will take a long time to undo. Some of us are not able to clearly see or write about our own talents, skills, accomplishments, and contributions. If that is the case, consider asking a friend or colleague to draft a few short paragraphs about you. That strategy might give you a better perspective on what you should highlight in your application because it gives you an idea of what others see in you or what you’ve brought to your current organization. Similarly, when you ask for letters of recommendation, consider asking your referents to highlight specific skills, like your leadership, your project management skills, or your ability to innovate.