When last we left Rebecca, she had just had a heck of a Tuesday. She had a confrontation with a colleague, Ted, and then looked for in vain for support from her administrator, Rick.

One of the more common responses that I got to this blog was that Rebecca should have stood up for herself in the moment. She should have told Ted that he couldn’t talk to her like that and ended the conversation sooner. In fact, this was one of the pieces of advice that Rick gave Rebecca during their encounter. Trust me, I understand why people say this. And yet, we know there are many reasons that women don’t stand up for themselves. In Rebecca’s case, she feared that Ted’s anger would create a more hostile work environment or that she would face retribution from Ted professionally or personally. Additionally, Ted had a reputation for not being open to these conversations. Whether you think she should have said something in the moment or not, that isn’t really why we are here. We’re here to talk about Rick’s reaction and how Rebecca should handle that.

There are a number of indicators that we know increase the effectiveness of schools, as measured by factors ranging from student achievement to teacher efficacy. One of the most important of these indicators is trust. Trust between faculty and administration is an essential part of any school. Obviously, Rick’s reaction to Rebecca damaged the trust between them. Additionally, Rick has a responsibility to support a comfortable work environment and, by writing off Rebecca’s reaction as overly emotional and not talking to Ted, Rick is responsible for creating an uncomfortable work environment.  

So what should Rebecca have done about Rick? The first thing she should have done was identifying the gaslighting as it was happening. How could she do this? There are a couple of different ways.

• Giving Rick a hypothetical situation, using a man in the role of Rebecca. Would Rick’s reaction be the same? Would he use the same adjectives to describe the man?

• Explaining to Rick how his use of terms like “overly emotional” or “hysterical” are not germane to the situation and how, by not dealing with Ted’s behavior, Rick is promoting an uncomfortable environment.

• Defusing Rick by reminding him that, though her reaction may seem emotional, his role as her supervisor and an important part of the school climate is to support her and to mentor her. In dismissing her reaction, Rick is not doing either of these things.

Could these steps fail? Sure, they could. But giving Rick the chance to make this right is a crucial first step in solving the ultimate problem. But what if it doesn’t work? Rebecca has a couple of other options at that point, including involving another administrator or the district civil rights coordinator. Either way, making Rick aware of the way that his actions undermine trust, school climate, and the working environment is a crucial first step in making this a better one and achieving the ultimate goal of having Rick work with Ted on his manner of speaking to female faculty.