We can easily draw the connection between the role of representation and promoting gender equality. As discussed in earlier blogs, it makes sense that young girls who see female leadership feel more empowered to achieve. This plays out in classrooms, institutions of higher education, politics, the media, and workplaces. This week, AEC is delighted to welcome Gabrielle, whose guest blog goes beyond representation to look at the power of gender equity to create a safer world and discusses why it’s important for each of us to challenge gender bias.

While it’s often more fun to jump immediately into a topic, this one needs a bit of a disclaimer. Primarily, there will be mention of intimate partner and sexual violence so please do take care of yourselves. Secondly, we will delve into a discussion around gender which frankly can be a bit complicated. Gender – the spectrum that contains both masculinity and femininity – is something that we express through actions, behaviors, dress, and interactions. Gender is often assumed by others based on your assigned sex (woman or man) or, conversely, sex may also be assumed based on presenting gender. Sex is biological and based on a combination of sex organs, hormones, and chromosomes.

It is important to note that this binary system of being male or female — masculine or feminine – neglects to acknowledge those individuals whose sex assigned at birth fits into neither box. It also doesn’t account for the fact that gender is not so black and white. While exploring this in much greater detail is needed and welcomed, for now we’ll use the binary system as a stepping stone but by no means is the intention to be exclusionary. Let’s come back to gender equity and violence.

One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a survivor of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. Further, we know that females ages 16-19 are four times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. This tells us is that by the time we talk to our youth about intimate partner or sexual violence it’s too late. This is not to say that we should stop talking, more that we need to start earlier and that we need to shift our conversation. Often, we see intimate partner and sexual violence as things that happen “over there” to “that person” but not to me. We create narratives that evoke blame and seek to explain why it can happen to that particular person but not to me. We miss that these types of violence are not based on any of these contrived statements but rather are ingrained in the very power structure of our culture.

Our society determines what behaviors are appropriate for women and men, girls and boys. We are binary thinkers. Before birth one of the first questions we ask expecting parents is, “Is it a boy or a girl?” We need to know. We need to be able to neatly sort people into boxes. Consider even the growing trend of gender reveal parties. What we neglect to realize is that these boxes into which we sort unborn babies come with consequences. These boxes are at the very foundation of power-based and sexual violence.

There is an exercise we offer in classrooms to help explore these “gender boxes.” No matter your audience – whether a classroom of 8th graders or a room full of adults – the responses are pretty much the same. When you ask, “What does it mean to act like a man?” you get responses like, “Strong, tough, be a breadwinner, sleep around, don’t cry.” When you flip it and ask, “What does it mean to act like a lady (word choice intentional)?” you often hear, “Quiet, reserved, emotional, caregiver, don’t sleep around.” The exercise goes on to explore what happens to individuals whose behavior, actions, or appearance fall outside of these boxes and includes what we call people, how we treat people, and how they treat themselves. No matter the setting it quickly becomes evident that these boxes can have devastating effects which include sexual, physical, and emotional violence. This is certainly not an exclusive list but behaviors might range from bullying and name calling to sexual assault, homicide, or suicide.

Now rewind. Where do even learn about these boxes? The moment we hear that a child is considered a boy or girl, we subconsciously begin to apply these stereotypically acceptable behaviors. As the child grows, often our expectations of them mirror these assumptions. Consider the old adage, “Boys will be boys” or the fact that we put little girls in dresses and then reprimand them on the playground when they’re on the ground playing with their classmates. We expect boys to be rough and tumble and we use it to explain and justify behavior and then conversely criticize young girls for behaving in the same way. In the same vein we expect girls to be emotional, nurturing, and sensitive and are surprised when young boys exhibit the same characteristics or when they do we quickly ensure that understand that “boys don’t cry.” Research shows that even in infancy, the language that we choose to speak with children and even the way that we play with children changes based on their perceived gender.

In essence, we create and uphold a binary system that not only sets our children up for failure, but in doing so we perpetuate norms that become part of their own inner dialogue. This dialogue will become the measuring stick by which they will assess their own behaviors and the behaviors of their peers. Additionally, as youth grow they may find themselves in environments that perpetuate rather than challenge these norms and the power imbalances they embolden. Fast forward to college where we see the same gender norms playing out in fraternities across the country.

Whether children (and adults) digest messages from the media, every day conversations, or classrooms, it’s important that we offer tools that allow our youth to be critical. It is critical that we understand that the conventional, binary concepts of gender are not a final destination. It is within each of us to challenge social norms and the prescribed “gender boxes” and the subsequent gender violence that results from such a limited perspective. Whether you call someone out for using pejorative language, create inclusive classrooms and environments, or check yourself before you speak to your children or students, your actions matter. Even in the moments that may seem small, you create a ripple of change.